When life gets you down as a black woman

 

When life gets you down as a black woman, you have an unspoken duty to be strong. Perseverance then becomes second nature and you automatically know not to break, especially in the company of others. My closest perspective of this stems from the women in my family; if they were hurting you would never know it. I had an aunt diagnosed with cancer and I didn’t even know how sick she was until she was gone.

I found myself looking at all of the women in my life and wondering how the hell they kept it together. My life’s ups and downs seemed to wear on my face like the makeup I glazed on each day when I start my day. I started to question my strengths as a black woman and whether or not I was cut from the same cloth as my counterparts.

Now, don’t mistake me for the black girl with a woe-is-me mentality.  There are times when I have shown my emotions and all I hear people saying of me is ‘overly sensitive, unprofessional’, ‘you are not in the right place’ only because I have just showed signs of being upset over something. In one workplace I was told ‘you are not cut out for this place, here we don’t do illness, migraine headaches, cancer or whatever is ailing you’’.

It’s almost unfair that we get to watch white women cry, be goofy, hell even indulge in a little self- pity with little to no one looking down on them for their humanity. In some cases they are even applauded for their bravery in the midst of adversity. From my experience, black women aren’t afforded that same luxury and I am here to shed light on an ongoing situation.

Girl, get out of your feelings!

In moments of disaster and uncertainty I’ve always been put back on track by a good “get out of your feelings” nudge. The quick-fix that places shame on the person whose emotions it’s being directed towards. Well, I say girl get in those feelings and express them. It’s OK to cry and to be emotional.

Analyse exactly what you are feeling and ask why. Get to the root of what it is that you are experiencing and then address it. Since when has stashing away emotions and acting like things don’t bother you ever helped a person overcome anything. It doesn’t! It actually has the opposite effect.

Strong women are strong enough to know when to let it out. If you are incapable of self- expression then how strong could you possibly be.

A black woman without restraint is unstoppable. If there were more room for us to be exactly who we are and respond in our own unique ways I wonder how much power we could attain. That reminds me of a black sister who tried to do an access to nursing course but the college was adamant she would not make it into nursing. Lo and behold, this woman was unstoppable, challenged all and now she is a registered nurse.

People’s expectations of black women when it comes to our self- expression are built like a prison, meant to keep us in check and aware of how we make others feel. Never let them box you into thinking that you have to bend your mood to fit what makes them comfortable. Pain is relative and no one can measure what you feel.

We are a rare group of women who encourage each other to say “forget it” and then genuinely be convicted in thought and action to move on. True warriors, fighting a seemingly never ending battle to be stronger than whoever to get through whatever life may bring. I admire our ability to overcome, but who knew that we could lift those expectations. Lately we have denied ourselves allowance to be human. We are black women, but we are human first, we are ever complex and we do have the right to be heard.

I believe, it is possible to be a black woman and go through life open and allowed to have feelings, good, bad, happy, or indifferent. Understanding that life will happen and when it does we can grow through it without the stigma of shame and the angry black women. It is all allowed and as long as we support one another in our journey for freedom then our song doesn’t have to be solemn and angry. It can be joyful and full of celebration because we are free in the mind and have peace within.